Trust
by kdzl
Summary: A trip home to Pennsylvania changes everything. JJ/Will eventually, angsty. Darker than my other fics.
1. Prologue

**_AN--So, I've been working on this story for forever on the side, and I thought it might be nice to start posting it. Thanks to EGoofy34 and SSBAILEY for checking it over for me, I was debating whether to post it at all. This is going to be VERY different from other stories I've written, there probably won't be any ships with this, (if so, SLIGHT H/JJ but only because I can't help myself.) and as far in the story as I am, I'm still undecided as what to do with Will. That being said, I hope you like it!_**

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_**_"Pain and suffering, they are a secret. Kindness and love, they are a secret. But I have learned that kindness and love can pay for pain and suffering."_

_-Alan Paton_

JJ cringed slightly as the doctor finished his examination. "Ma'am, I'm going to need to bring in a nurse to take some pictures of your injuries." He said quietly after he had swabbed and examined every inch of her body.

"Whatever you need." JJ mumbled, focusing her thoughts on happier times. Ashamed of the present, she lost her self to the memory of the first time she dribbled a soccer ball. Life had seemed to make so much sense at seven years old, little did she know how wrong she was. She heard the door creak open, and the nurse taking gentle, cautious steps in the melancholy room.

"Miss, could you please turn to your side." The young nurse asked kindly. JJ silently complied, focusing her efforts on getting through the next few minutes. She accepted that this would be her life now, pushing herself to survive short intervals of time, trying to not imagine what the next few minutes could bring. The entire situation was ringing with irony, for years victims had told her that she had no idea what they'd been through, and in truth, they were right. But now she did, she now knew perfectly.

"And now the other one."

JJ again turned. She tried to keep her eyes away from those of the nurse. JJ didn't want the concern that every single person had given her since she entered the hospital. She couldn't help but find the parallels to the countless victims that she'd faced, except for one exception. She knew who did this to her. _How could I have been so stupid?_ JJ wondered to herself. All this time she'd been telling victims to listen to their intuition, and yet, she tuned out hers. She only vaguely remembered the events that had brought her here.

_As JJ took a look at her watch, she couldn't help but grimace. The annual Jareau family barbeque was taking much longer than she had planned. She'd already been home for a week visiting her family, and needed to get home soon. To make matters worse, she'd left her car at her parent's home, optioning to drive with her mom and dad to her grandmother's house, anticipating that her father-always antsy-would get them in and out of the family outing in record time. What she hadn't anticipated was how long her mother could keep talking, though she knew that if Will and Henry had come then she would have had to stay for several more hours. _

_ She was a little disappointed that Will had been on call this week and hadn't been able to come, and Henry was just getting over a small cold that she didn't want to make worse with chilly spring nights in Pennsylvania. Her extended family was equally disappointed, making her promise to bring her boyfriend and small son to the next family outing._

_"Hey, do you want a ride home? Or at least to your car?" Her uncle Jeff asked her, smiling at her charmingly. Her mother's brother was a handsome guy, charming, funny, and witty--but something was off about him. Only five years older than JJ, she had always felt awkward around her 'uncle' but luckily didn't have much interaction with him. A decorated sheriff in her hometown, she was just grateful they had never had a case where she had to work with him._

_ She didn't really want to accept the ride with him. Her mom had never been close to him and this was the only time of the year where they saw each other, but she really did need to go home. _

_"Um... Sure. Thanks." JJ said, grabbing her bag. "Just let me say good bye to my mom and dad." She got up and quickly gave her parents a hug. _

_"Alright, let's go." JJ mentioned awkwardly. She climbed into the passenger seat of her uncle's cop car. They drove in silence towards her parents' home. _

_"Take a drink." Her uncle offered, handing her a half full bottle of lemonade and interrupting the silence._

_"I'm good, thanks." JJ declined graciously. Truthfully, Uncle Jeff had always creeped her out._

_"I mean it. Take a drink." He ordered a little more firmly._

_"Alright." JJ said, taking a sip of lemonade, finding it odd that he was so adamant about her getting a drink. _

_After JJ did so, the silence resumed once more. Moments passed like hours, and then the dizziness began. She rubbed her eyes, but it did nothing. She began feeling like she was losing control of herself. And then it happened. JJ found herself unable to move. She had no idea where the paralysis came from, but she tried to yell for help. Didn't her uncle notice what was happening to her? He just kept driving, a smug smile on his face, until he finally pulled to the side of the empty road. _

_JJ was terrified. What had happened to her? Why was her uncle not helping her? Suddenly a sickening realization dawned on her. She tried even harder to scream, but her body wouldn't allow it. She felt contempt for the muscles that had turned on her, allowing her to be so vulnerable. _

_"Don't worry sweetie, I promise this won't hurt." Jeff smiled, climbing over to where JJ was sitting, unable to move as she was filled with terrifying realization of what was going to happen. _

"Ma'am, we've finished up here, your doctor will call you in the morning with the results, is there someone who can drive you home?" The nurse asked JJ kindly.

"Yeah, my erm...boyfriend is outside." JJ muttered mindlessly. How was she going to explain this all to Will?

"Alright, let's get you in the chair and then we can wheel you out." The nurse said, helping JJ into the wheel chair. JJ closed her eyes, trying to envision how she could get through this. Even Will, as gentle as he was, she didn't want to be around-but she didn't want anyone else to know.

She wouldn't have told him in the first place, but when she got home early that morning, crying and bruised, she really didn't have a choice. As JJ approached him, Will stood up, holding Henry who was oblivious to his mother's pain. "JJ...." Will began, but JJ just shrugged.

"Will, please don't. Don't say anything." JJ whispered, hoping to drown herself in silence. Words were far too hard to come by tonight.

"Alright JJ." Will responded in his thick, Louisiana accent. He stood there quietly, not knowing what to do next. He'd never anticipated something like this happening to his girlfriend. He tried to place his arm around her protectively, but she simply shirked his advances.

"I just can't do this." JJ said softly as they walked quickly to the car.

"It's ok, after what you've been through-" He started, but was interrupted by her pleading eyes.

"Will, I'd really like to _not_ talk about it." She insisted.

"JJ..."

"I seriously can't do this. I can't talk about this, not now. I can't." JJ pleaded. She wished that she could go back in time, and scream to herself to not get in that car. But she couldn't go back in time; she had to deal with the fact that she was now damaged.

The pair walked out to the car, where JJ slipped into the back seat next to Henry.

"JJ?" Will looked at her questioningly.

"Just let me sit back here." JJ begged, pleading for him not to ask her questions as the small sedative they gave her began to work, not putting her to sleep, but allowing her to not feel the pain from the bruises that had begun to form. Will didn't argue, he just nodded and got into the driver's seat, and started the car, unsure of what to do to help. They drove in silence, both examining how drastically life had changed in one night.

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**_AN2--I don't have experience with being a rape victim, but I attempted to make JJ's emotions as real as possible. Sadly, most rapes ARE committed by family members or friends, so I thought it was an interesting twist. I mean no offense by any inaccuracies or unliklihoods, though I did do my best to keep those at a minimum._**


	2. Chapter 1: JJ

**_AN--Thanks to everybody that reviewed. I don't own Criminal Minds._**

Chapter 1--JJ

JJ woke up from her drug induced sleep in her own bed early Sunday morning. She silently prayed that last night had been a dream, but she knew instantly it wasn't. Last night had happened, no matter how badly she wanted it to all be a sick nightmare. She heard a knock on the door, causing her to jolt up in her bed.

"JJ, I've got to get to work, are you going to be alright?" Will asked, worried to leave her alone.

JJ just nodded in response.

"Alright." Will nodded tentatively, before leaving the room. JJ collapsed back into the bed, grateful that Will hadn't insisted on sharing her bed last night. She didn't know when she would be alright sleeping in the same bed as a man, but she had a feeling it might be a while.

She felt filthy and dirty. As she climbed into the shower, she turned the water onto scalding, hoping the hot water could get him off of her—his spit, his sweat, his….--JJ couldn't think about it anymore. The water burned, her body protesting in agony, asking her to get out. But soon its cries fell silent.

The water soothed the soreness that had enveloped her. But while the physical pain she felt was subsiding, it wasn't changing how disgusting she felt.

He was all over her, she scrubbed mindlessly, trying to get him to wash off, but it was no use. He was still there. JJ tried for what felt like hours, before she heard Henry crying loudly. Turning off the water and wrapping herself in her fluffy, blue robe, she ran over to her baby.

No matter the personal turmoil she was facing, she was first and foremost a parent. JJ tried to remember that as she cradled her wailing son, but it was difficult.

Henry was a sign of the life she had before last night, the life where she was happy, where she had the perfect boyfriend and child; the life where her job meant everything to her. JJ accepted that now life would be divided into two parts, life before that fateful April day and life after.

As she cradled the wailing infant she grabbed a bottle that Will had made earlier and left in the refrigerator. Once she had warmed the bottle, she began feeding her young son sitting down in the corner of the kitchen, hoping to hide. How did this happen?

Just hours ago JJ life made sense, it was regular, happy, normal—mundane even; And now, now she had no idea what her life was. The only thing she knew for sure was that life was now far from happy. When Henry had eaten as much as he could, JJ burped him and set him down in his crib, knowing that he was likely too old to be ready for a nap so soon, but knowing that she needed her solitude.

The silence in her apartment was deafening, JJ turned on her stereo, tuning in to the first station she could find. She took a good look at her apartment. A notorious pack rat, JJ was tired of all the reminders of how life had been before. She started in her bathroom, scouring the shower with Ajax and bleach. She chose to be thorough instead of quick; Actually, JJ was trying to make this take as long as possible. Nothing seemed worse than being alone with her thoughts and nothing to preoccupy them with.

Cleaning the apartment felt cathartic, cleansing every nook and cranny the way she wish she could with her own soul.

She attempted the front room, but there were too many reminders of the happy life that now eluded her. Finally settling on the kitchen, she engrossed herself into once again cleaning every crevice she could find.

Her phone rang loudly, startling her and causing her to drop the cleaner she was holding as she looked at the phone in disdain. Finally deciding t answer, she pressed the small button on her PDA.

"Jareau." She answered quickly.

"Jayje. It's me! I haven't heard from you in a while. How was the great state of Pennsylvania?" Garcia's animated voice came over the phone. JJ knew she should feel upset, or angry, or something. But instead she felt empty.

"Yeah. It was fine." She dismissed easily.

"How's your family?" Garcia pried happily; she always loved hearing about JJ's parents and younger brother.

"My mom and dad are doing fine. Josh didn't come because he is still in Wyoming." JJ said quickly, hoping that her speed would be misinterpreted as excitement.

"Why is he in Wyoming?" Garcia asked interestedly. "I mean, no one lives in Wyoming."

"Beats me, one day he woke up and decided that Wyoming was where he needed to be. But he loves it, so, go figure." JJ said feigning interest. She was just grateful that Garcia was consumed with the petty details of her brother's life and not the events of the wretched family get together.

"Well, 'to each his own,' as I always say." Garcia laughed wistfully. "So, what about your annual grandma's barbeque?"

"Erm. I've got to go, Will just got home." JJ lied as she quickly hung up the phone, staring at it as though it were mocking her. She wished she could tell Garcia everything that had happened in Pennsylvania, but she couldn't. The words wouldn't even form in her mouth. She couldn't even process the word rape, let alone explaine it. JJ promised herself that she wouldn't tell her family—her biological family or the BAU. She couldn't let them see her as a victim. She wouldn't tell anyone. Ever.

Who was going to believe her? Her uncle was a police chief in a small town—an office that made him very popular. JJ had witnessed enough court cases dealing with familial rape to know that the jury would never convict. Blitz attacks were always well sympathized with but the courts often turned their back on women who were hurt by their family members.

JJ could laugh at the irony—working so often with Blitz attacks had made her vigilant, always keeping an eye out for that dangerous stranger. It had never occurred to her that the real person she should fear was her own uncle. She knew that most attacks were by people the victim knew, but she never thought that it would affect her. She was always more worried about being attacked by a vengeful unsub. She had blindly allowed herself to fall victim. And that was something she wasn't sure she could forgive herself for.

Wanting to run away from her own thoughts, JJ turned back to the bathroom counter and went back to cleaning.

**_AN--FYI, each chapter is going to be in a different point of view, so this is the last time we'll see JJ's POV for a while._**


	3. Chapter 2: Morgan

**_AN--I don't own Criminal Minds._**

Chapter 2 (Morgan)

_"A new receptionist? Time to work the Derek Morgan magic". _Morgan thought to himself as he walked into the BAU bullpen. After a long and restful weekend, he resented being back at the job that seemed to monopolize his time, but with the sight of the new girl, maybe today wasn't going to be as bad as he thought. Approaching the long legged brunette, he couldn't fail to notice JJ's office through the thick glass doors of the BAU.

He watched her for a moment, seeing her bob around the small room. It was truly peculiar for JJ to even be near her office, let alone in it. JJ normally began her mornings talking to Prentiss and Garcia, or fighting with Reid for the last of the coffee, not pacing around her office. Deciding to pull out his best 'Big brother Derek' routine, he went to go talk to her. If he and Reid were betting, he would put money on her talking on the phone, probably with Will. JJ always paced when she was talking to Will, it was the first of the many signs that had tipped the entire team off on the relationship. They would go into get her and JJ would be talking on the phone, saying nothing all that important, walking around happily. That combined with the fact that they could never get a hold of her on a Saturday night had led to the discovery of the secret relationship. Knocking lightly on the door, Derek entered the office in surprise.

It was common law in the BAU to warn first time agents about JJ's office. It was scattered and messy and frankly, hazardous. Morgan suspected that even Hotch was scared of it, always making Reid or Prentiss go in to get JJ. So when Morgan saw the near sterile room, he panicked slightly. JJ hadn't heard him enter, she was turned around going through her file cabinet, finishing off the alphabetizing of relevant files, throwing away or sending to the archives the ones that weren't.

"JJ, what are you doing?" Morgan asked, confuse at what mental break JJ must've suffered in order to subject herself to this.

JJ jumped at his unexpected entrance, he watched in confusion as her accellerated breathing lessened and she finally responded, her back still to him, "What do you mean?"

"I don't think your office has been this clean since you started at the BAU." Morgan teased.

"I just needed a change. " JJ shrugged. She turned around slowly, facing him icily. He noticed her eyes first—hollow, lifeless. Derek Morgan knew that moment that something was terribly wrong in his friend's life.

"Are you alright?" Morgan said quietly, making up the gap between him and JJ. Pulling her into a hug, he felt her shudder violently. Letting go he watched her try to catch her breath. The girl was terrified and he was going to find out why. "JJ, what happened?"

He thought he saw her panic, but it was quickly replaced by a mask of control. "My grandma died over the weekend and it's just been hard to deal with. We were really close." JJ replied, and while a part of him believed her, part of him couldn't help but think she was lying.

Morgan nodded, while he thought that JJ was acting odd, death did made people act out of character. "If you need anything, just let me know." He put his arm around her, not knowing the physical reaction that it would invoke.

JJ could feel the bile rising up in her throat, threatening to blow her secret fear. She knew Morgan wouldn't do anything to her. She knew Morgan was different, but it didn't stop her from feeling uncomfortable around him. But in truth it wasn't only Morgan she was having issues being around, Will came home last night and tried to hug her—it hadn't been pretty.

"Erm, I've got to go to the bathroom." She said, shirking his 'comforting' arm, noticing the irony between Morgan's intentions and the reaction that she couldn't help.

"Okay." Morgan said, drawing out the last syllable questioningly. He was left alone to stand in JJ's now sterile office—reminding him more of Hotch or Strauss than of the media liaison they had come to love.

Morgan couldn't shake what he had seen. All day he tried. But seeing the JJ like that, haunted and broken, had taken its toll on him. He knew that JJ had every right to be sad, her grandmother had just died, but he just felt like JJ wasn't being honest with him. He felt sick with himself, he was doubting his friend like he doubted unsubs. So chalking it all up to hyper vigilance, Morgan turned a blind eye to JJ, allowing her to go through her day in peace.

He wasn't her only run in. The rest of the team noticed JJ's odd behavior as well, but as Morgan told them her excuse, they easily dismissed her actions. He wanted to protect JJ from the team, he didn't want her to have to explain about her grandmother to everyone in the BAU. Family matters shouldn't have to be everyone else's business. He knew what it was like to not want to share personal information, and if there was anything he could do to protect his friend, he would do it.

Morgan had no idea how easy he was making it for JJ to keep her real secret.


	4. Chapter 3: Prentiss

**_AN--I don't own Criminal Minds. This consists mostly of Emily overhearing JJ's phone conversation, so I hope it makes sense. Thanks to everybody who's reviewed/alerted/favorited this story! Like I've said before, I wasn't even sure to post it because I didn't know if everybody would like it. There's also a slight blurb into what JJ's thinking, I liked it too much to get rid of it, so like I said, I hope it makes sense. Thanks for the support, ENJOY!_**

Chapter 3 (Emily)

Emily was a woman on a mission. There were new muffins in the break room, and she had to find a way to get at them without Morgan seeing her--a feat that some would deem impossible, but not Emily Prentiss. She didn't want to alert the man to where she had secretly stashed them, and stealth was the best way to ensure her secret. Her plan was to go outside the bullpen, past JJ's office to Garcia's where she could then enter the breakroom from behind.

"What do you mean you lost it?" Emily overheard JJ practically yell as she passed the blonde's office. Emily stopped just out of range to listen, her muffin mission forgotten. It wasn't eavesdropping per se, just her inquisitive nature taking hold.

"I don't care how hard you _tried_, how could you lose it?" JJ insisted. Emily could easily detect the panic in her friend's voice and she suspected that if she could see the blonde she would find her standing angrily at her desk, fury written on her face.

"What's the point of a rape kit if you lose the evidence?" JJ asked angrily as Emily stood quietly continue to listen in on the one-sided conversation. She noticed how JJ stumbled slightly over the word 'rape'. Sadly, this wasn't the first time evidence had disappeared and for a likely serial rape case, physical evidence lost would definitely hamper an investigation.

"Don't bother." Emily could hear the emotion in JJ's voice as Emily shook her head sadly. JJ was always one to get emotional on cases—her grandmother's death probably hadn't helped much either, Morgan had at least let her know about that before she put her foot in her mouth. It was one trait the entire team loved about JJ, she was full of empathy and compassion, to the point that on the really bad cases, they'd all watch out for her—just a little. Not enough that she wasn't able to do her job, just to ensure that hopefully one day, they could have the same amount of compassion.

"No, I understand. A woman is rap--_attacked_ and you just lose the evidence. So much for justice!" JJ shouted incredulously. She seemed taken aback by the response. Emily was curious as to why JJ stumbled over the word rape, she didn't usually have a problem describing what happened to victims. Usually people who had been victims of--

"My tone? Excuse me but how am I supposed to talk to you after I find out that you lost the kit?" Emily's last thought was cut off as JJ yelled into the phone in horror.

Emily stood in place for a moment, trying to decide whether she should comfort her friend. On one hand she shouldn't be listening through the door, it was unprofessional. On the other, JJ sounded really upset. Maybe she was still reeling from the death of her grandmother and she was too emotionally worn out to work. Emily had been at her wits end at the job before--it never hurt to have someone to talk you off the ledge. Taking in a deep breath for courage, Emily knocked on JJ's door.

"Fine. Call me if you have any information." JJ said angrily, ending her call.

Letting herself in, Emily was taken aback by the look of the place. JJ's usual mounds of paperwork were gone, revealing a clean, organized desk. The window had been carefully washed so that it now sparkled. The office was in pristine condition, something Emily had never seen in the years she had worked with the liaison. "Jayje, it's alright. We'll catch them next time." Emily soothed.

JJ looked up, shocked that Emily heard her conversation. Emily was surprised at the guilty look that JJ possessed, "Wait, what did you say?" JJ asked meekly, hanging up the phone instantly.

"We'll catch them next time." Emily said again, gaining courage each time she said it.

JJ's face paled instantly. "Next time?" Emily swore she could see JJ's stomach churn.

"Serial rapists don't stop JJ." Emily tried to be kind, knowing that JJ was still emotionally vulnerable from her recent familial loss. "Was the kit for the case in Kentucky? The one you gave to Morgan?"

JJ stood there stunned, unsure of what was happening. Suddenly realizing that the threat of her secret being brought to light was now over, she instantly began the lies that had been coming so easily lately. "No, it was for a case in Cincinnati, I gave it to one of the new agents." JJ said, mentally making sure she covered her tracks. New recruits didn't often second guess her, no one would dare tell Emily that they hadn't heard of a rape case in Ohio.

"Well, evidence gets lost. I just feel bad for the poor girl whose kit got lost. I mean, there's no way to go back and do it again." Emily observed. "I really hate saying this, but it is probably a good thing it's serial, without some physical evidence, it'd be nearly impossible to get a conviction. Even if she saw her attacker, it wouldn't be enough."

"Yeah, especially if he was a cop." JJ muttered quietly. Emily looked at her friend in pleasant surprise, JJ was really getting a handle on all of this profiling stuff—even in her emotional state.

Emily took this opportunity to study her friend. JJ looked like she was swimming in the seas of despair--the world around her falling apart.

_JJ felt disgusted. She knew what her uncle had done to her, but there was no way for justice to be served. The police had lost all the physical evidence of her attack. Almost as if now the evidence was gone, it hadn't happened at all. Like what her uncle had done to her was a figment of her own imagination. But it had happened. Her life was now in turmoil and there was no way to fix it. A week earlier, she had been a normal woman, and now she was broken. Her life had been ruined and now she had absolutely no way to prove it. She could feel the world falling apart around her, like her own personal Armageddon._

Emily easily mistook JJ's anxiety for sympathy. "JJ, you can't take every case personally, it will eat you up." Emily said, standing.

"You're right Emily, I just--"

"It's natural to feel for victims, especially rape victims. You're good at the job." Emily smiled, hoping that her pep talk had helped her friend.

"Yeah. Good at the job." JJ muttered as she left the room, though she could have sworn that she detected a level of bitterness that she hadn't heard from the blonde before.

A few hours later, Emily stared monotonously out the windshield, trying to pass the torturous time, waiting for Reid. His Volvo had broken down and she'd agreed to give him a ride home. What she hadn't remembered was that Reid took forever to leave. She decided to give him ten more minutes before she called him. She'd gone to her car hoping that it would spur him into leaving. However, it seemed like he hadn't understood the subtle hint.

She watched as Will pulled up in front of the building and JJ walked slowly out to the car. Emily thought it was kind of cute that he picked her up from work, especially as he opened the door for her. It seemed like they were keeping their romance alive. But then Emily noticed something that struck her as odd, and she couldn't help but try to profile the situation to come up with an explanation. The door will had opened to the car was to the backseat--and she saw JJ climb into the back seat of the couple's car like it was usual. She wasn't sure why JJ would go in the back, if it had been Emily, she'd get as close to the Southern detective as possible. _Socially acceptable behavior was to ride in the front seat, and_--she stopped herself. Scolding herself mentally for profiling her friend. She was sure that JJ was just acting odd because of her grandmother's death. Emily too had lost a beloved grandparent and she was sure she acted out in strange ways. But she couldn't fight the feeling that something was terribly wrong with JJ, and even as she tried to fight it, she felt like she was making the wrong decision by turning a blind eye.

But Emily did just that, she pretended she noticed nothing. She owed it to her friend and colleague to let JJ live her life in peace. She pushed away the feelings of concern that overwhelmed her, knowing that it must just be something in her head.

After all, JJ trusted her.


	5. Chapter 4: Will

**_AN--I don't own Criminal Minds. Thanks for the awesome response! Also, thanks to EGoofy34 for an idea that I shamelessly stole. (I think it was from you). If not, it was from SSBAILEY who tends to always give me great ideas and advice._**

Chapter 4 (Will)

He never thought something like this could happen to a woman he loved. He loved JJ, and it killed him to see her like this. She wouldn't even talk about what happened—the most he had gathered was that it _had _happened. Now, she could barely look at him, and it made his heart break for her.

It had been almost a month, and he wasn't sure he would ever get her back. The only person that seemed to offer her any solace was their son, and he was fairly certain that her solace came in forgetting. Twice, he had come home to find the house seemingly quiet with all the lights on. Only after searching for nearly thirty minutes had he found JJ sitting in the corner, holding Henry lovingly as she seemingly hid from the world.

Ever since that night, whatever they had between them was falling apart. Before that fateful April day, he knew where their relationship was headed. JJ had always wanted to go slow, but she had said that she was ready. He had already planned an ornate proposal, the ring still placed in the velvet box in his desk at work. He wondered if he would ever be able to ask her. He wanted so badly for her to trust him, yet it seemed like she never would. He had fought for months when they were first dating to get through the barriers that she set up between her and the world, and now, it seemed like he was back to where he started from.

It wasn't that she wasn't trying, it pained him to see how hard she _was_ trying to make it work. Even letting him back into the bedroom had been painstaking for her. He didn't want her to have to try so hard to make their relationship work--especially when every concession she made was met with another subtle roadblock that she threw up to keep him from getting too close. Even her getting in the front seat of the car with him a couple of nights before while he drove her to the airstrip for a case wasn't enough to lift his spirits, because though it seemed like progress, nothing was changing. She still hid from his glances, she still wouldn't allow him to touch her. She still woke up with violent nightmares, only to cry harder if he attempted to comfort her. Her trust had been fundamentally broken and now she was withdrawing to within herself, the only place where no one could hurt her.

Will didn't need to be clued in on JJ's self destruction. He'd been watching it first hand for a month. It was time for him to do something. Anything. Anything that could help her. He knew that he couldn't fix what had happened, but he couldn't let her go without a fight. He'd stand by her no matter what, but he wished that he could figure out a way to bring the old JJ back. The JJ that he had fallen in love with--the JJ who was fiery and didn't let herself get walked on, not the ghost that he seemed to be living with. She seemed content to work as much as possible, spending every moment of down time she could with her son. He knew it was that she tried to fill her life so she wouldn't have to deal with the pain, but she was killing herself right in front of him. And he couldn't let it happen anymore.

The relationship between them had changed, of course it would. There was no way for her to have gone through what she had and come out the same person. What used to be a enriching and fulfilling relationship had become superficial and awkward. It reminded him of the time before, when JJ refused to acknowledge their relationship. He had no intention of letting her go, he'd fight for their relationship where she wouldn't—where she couldn't.

When the phone rang, it came as no surprise to him the person on the other end, demanding answers. He figured that there was no way that JJ would have spoken with her coworkers about what happened—she hadn't spoken to anyone about it since it happened. It was only a matter of time before they realized that something was seriously wrong. Time was up.

"Hi Will," Garcia's bubbly voice came across the telephone, "I just have a question for you about my bestest friend and the little ray of sunshine's mother."

Will smiled, knowing how much JJ's friend loved their son. "I'll tell you what I can." He said honestly.

"I just heard from the team, apparently JJ's been acting funny, and lost it a little bit with a reporter that's now sporting a black eye--is something wrong? She won't tell me and I know that she said her grandmother died..." The tech admitted, leaving her sentence hanging to give him an out.

Will had gleaned several things of what had happened both in that night and in the weeks following. He knew JJ had been attacked. He knew it had been by someone she knew that wasn't her father or younger brother. He knew that he took her to the hospital in Virginia. He also knew that somewhere along the way, the evidence had been 'misappropriated' and was no longer available, some weird karmic irony. She could find justice for her own victims while her own was just out of reach.

Knowing that his girlfriend needed to talk, but unwilling to violate her trust once again, he said merely, "Something happened in Pennsylvania. She needs you."

He hoped that he hadn't said too much. He himself had no idea the extent of what JJ had gone through, the last thing he wanted was to make her go off the deep end. But he had to say something. If anyone could help her, it was Garcia.

"I'm on it." Garcia said, the phone clicking as it slammed into the receiver. Will knew that for good or for ill, what he had said could change his and JJ's entire relationship. He hoped fervently that it would help her get out of the despair she was feeling. He'd been around attack—rape, he corrected himself--victims before. In fact, he met JJ through working with a rape victim. But it felt different when that victim was your girlfriend. He knew that his hope for her to be happy was a long shot—she'd gone through a lot, he couldn't expect her to be singing show tunes weeks after her life had seemingly ended. But it was a pathetic and horrific sight, to watch JJ tear her own life apart.

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When Will heard the door slam, he knew Garcia had done her job. He didn't know what she had said to his girlfriend, but JJ was out for revenge. As JJ walked into the bedroom, he saw the anger etched all across her face, and hoped to get out of the conversation unscathed.

"What did you say to her?" JJ demanded lividly. She knew that he was the one to tell Garcia, no one else had known.

"I heard you punched a reporter." Will ignored her question, instead trying to show her how out of control she really was.

"Yes, and I've got a meeting with Strauss tomorrow." She growled, "what did you say to Garcia?" She repeated, emphasizing each word.

Taking in a deep breath, Will said. "That you need help." Seeing the angry look on JJ's face, he knew that while she would never understand why he had to get her some help, he had to do it—even if she ended up hating him. He loved her enough to allow her to hate him. "I told her that something happened to you in Pennsylvania and that you needed her." Will clarified.

"How do you know I need help?!?" JJ shrieked, tears welling up in her eyes though he could see that she was struggling fiercely to stop them.

"Honey, you've gone through a lot. And you're killing yourself." He said sadly, putting his hand on her shoulder. She shook it off violently.

"It's not your concern."

"Not my concern?" Will said, disbelievingly. "JJ, I'm in love with you. I want to marry you. But I can't take watching you shut the whole world out. I can't watch you be so bitter, and tortured, and not do anything about it. It's killing me, Jayje."

"Well, it won't anymore." JJ said decisively. "You need to go. Get out."

"JJ, please, be reasonable." Will pleaded. "I just want to help."

"I am reasonable! I don't need your help. I don't need yours, I don't need Garcia's--I don't need anyone's." JJ shouted, as he went in to touch her, she shoved him away. "What I _do _need is for you to go out that door and stay there." She said pointing to the front door.

"So you're kicking me out?" He asked softly, his heart breaking.

"Yeah. I am. Just go." He could see a single tear fall.

"JJ, I want to help you." Will begged. He loved her, and all he wanted was for her to be happy. He wanted her to get through this and it was becoming obvious that she might never recover.

"You can." JJ said quietly. "You can help me by letting me do this alone."

Will began to say something but JJ interrupted, pleading. "If you really love me, you'll do what I ask. If you _really_ love me, you've got to let me go. I can't do this anymore. I don't have the energy or the inclination to try to do this anymore." There was a soft desperation in her voice that pierced through Will's very heart.

Nodding his head, Will began to tell her everything in his heart. "JJ, I love you. You know that. And the second you want me back, I'll be here. I'm not giving up on you JJ. I refuse to give up on you. But I can't make you love me if you're hurting like this. I can't make you want me to stay. The moment you feel like you can try this again, I will drop anything and everything to be with you. I have loved nothing more in my life than you and Henry." Will said sadly.

"Will--" JJ tried to interrupt, but he had already decided to do what she needed from him, even if it was going to kill him to do it.

"I'll leave. I'll do whatever you want me to. I won't fight, I won't intervene, but I have two conditions." She nodded slightly so continued, "One--that I still get to see Henry. I love my son and I can't be without him."

JJ nodded seriously in agreement, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Second, you need to talk to someone. I won't make you tell your team, but you have to talk to someone. I've met this therapist at work, her name is Doctor Whitney Riley, and I think she could help you a lot more than you'd think, but it doesn't need to be her. But you have to talk to someone." Will added quickly, not allowing any emotion to ruin his second condition.

JJ thought about it for a moment. "Fine." She grumbled reluctantly.

"I need you to promise." Will said seriously, if there was one thing he knew about Jennifer Jareau it was that no matter how distraught she was emotionally, she would always keep her promises.

"I promise." JJ whispered, fighting the tears in her eyes.

"Alright then." Will said, grabbing a suitcase and throwing a few sets of clothes into it. "I'll go. I'll be here sometime soon to get the rest of my things, we can talk about Henry later."

And with that, Will walked out of JJ's life for the second time. The first, she had been scared of getting hurt--she had run after him. Now, she _had_ been hurt, not by him, but she had still been hurt. "Good Luck, JJ." He said as he walked out the door. This time, Will wasn't so sure he'd be as lucky.

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**_AN--I'm not sure whether Will will be back or not. So, as much as I PERSONALLY detest the character, he might end up sticking around. Let me know if you have a preference and I may or may not listen to it :) _**

**_Next chapter: Erin Strauss_**


	6. Chapter 5: Erin Strauss

**_AN/ Thanks to everybody who's reviewed! I'm glad others like this story as much as I've liked writing it. There are a lot of things that are happening between/during chapters that I'm not writing because it doesn't fit with the whole POV thing. For example, JJ punching out the reporter, or whatever else, so I hope people are following along. Thanks for the support!_**

Chapter 5 (Strauss)

"Shut the door behind you Agent Jareau." Strauss commanded authoritatively. As she watched the younger woman come in and take a seat, she was unsettled by the difference she saw. When she had worked with the BAU more than a year earlier, JJ had been a resourceful and controlled—not to mention a little head strong—agent. The woman she saw in front of her was broken, and frightened. It was the difference between night and day. Between water and fire. "I assume that you know why I called you in here."

"Yes ma'm." JJ nodded as Strauss knew she would. It shouldn't come as a surprise that if you hit a reporter there will be some consequences. Agent Hotchner had assured her that while the attack was in fact, extreme, JJ was provoked.

"Miss Jareau, what would tempt you to use force against a reporter?" Strauss asked, trying to remain as kind as she could. While she knew she had a reputation for being a monster –especially at the BAU—there was something in the young agent's eyes that broke her heart to the point where she couldn't bring herself to be angry. The eyes were lifeless and hollow, like the light they had once contained was gone.

"He said they deserved it." JJ whispered. Stauss felt cold as the hollow eyes met her own. "Thirteen women were raped and he said that they deserved it." Her potent stare burned itself into Erin Strauss's memory, as long as she'd live, she'd never forget it. That was the exact moment Erin Strauss knew what had happened to Agent Jareau. Maybe not the particulars, but she knew.

While not a profiler, Strauss had always been abnormally good at knowing what people had gone through and what they were facing. In some cases, like that of Aaron Hotchner, it made it easy for her to hate and try to demolish. In others, such as JJ's, it turned her to compassion. As much as she hated the BAU and their leadership, she couldn't turn a blind eye to a suffering agent because of her biases. Agent Hotchner and Agent Rossi could wait for another day, because right now, a woman that she respected was broken.

Erin knew she was far from a saint, but she didn't want to be a monster. "Agent Jareau, when you leave my office, you will tell everyone that I yelled at you like my reputation permits. You will say that you've been punished and are truly sorry for what you've done. You will leave calling me the 'Dragon Lady' or the "She Satan" or whatever your unit is keen on calling me these days. Are we understood?"

JJ nodded awkwardly, apparently confused at what was transpiring. "I'm not going to get reprimanded? Or fired?"

"Agent Jareau." Erin said, clearing her throat. "The FBI needs agents like you. We need people who care about prostitutes being raped and who fight for the women that others don't feel like saving. I can't punish you for doing something that I would've done myself." Strauss said, giving a rare smile.

"So you are human." JJ mused, smiling slightly.

"Don't let anyone know." She joked, uncharacteristically. Unsure how to broach the subject she now felt was vital, she decided just to plow through it. "Agent Jareau, I know you don't trust me."

The blonde's face was impassive, though Section Chief Strauss would not have gotten where she was without the ability to read people. "I don't trust anyone." JJ admitted softly.

"If what I believe happened to you did in fact happen, I am very sorry." The Section Chief offered.

"How--?" The younger blonde's breathing accelerated.

"That's immaterial. The point is--you can't allow this to destroy you. For your sake and for the sake of the Bureau, you must not allow it to take over your life." Erin insisted. "Are you speaking with someone about this? Otherwise, for your own good, I'm going to reccommend you see a Bureau Psychiatrist before being cleared to go back to work."

"I've got my first appointment on Friday." JJ admitted softly.

"Good, then the bureau doesn't have to know about that." Erin dismissed, and then noticed the tall man standing outside the door. "Now, if you won't mind, I am going to have an argument with your boss and allow him to convince me to let you keep your job. Would you like to be present for this or not?"

"Erm, I think I'll leave." JJ said unsurely, as she stood, still not convinced that Erin Strauss was going to help her.

Erin stopped her before she got to the door. "Agent Jareau, remember, you keep my secret and I'll keep yours." JJ nodded smiling softly and stepped out of the room.

She saw Agent Hotchner give the blonde a look of encouragement before walking into the Section Chief's office.

"Agent Hotchner." Strauss said shortly, and commanded "Explain to me why you feel Agent Jareau should not receive an official reprimand."

"Agent Jareau is dealing with a personal issue. I am aware of it, and I will speak with her. That being said, she was provoked by a careless reporter who crossed the line."

"Do you not supervise your agents effectively enough that you cannot control issues like this when they are at the forefront?" Strauss scoffed curtly. "Agent Hotchner, the bureau is losing patience."

"Agent Jareau is an extremely competent agent. She is an asset to the bureau, and our unit especially would not function seamlessly without her." Hotch replied quickly.

"I agree with your statement. I believe that this issue was a manner of incompetent leadership. With that said, I've already spoken my peace with Agent Jareau and as long as this situation never arises again, no disciplianry actions will be taken. But be warned, I will be watching the performance of your unit--one misstep and you will be hearing from me."

"Yes ma'm." He said, getting up to walk out of the room.

"Oh, and Agent Hotchner?"

"Yes." Hotch grimaced.

"Watch out for Agent Jareau." Strauss commanded in her usual bravado, hoping that he would as she watched him retreat out her door. She hoped that the profilers that were some of the best in the world would take a serious look at one of their members, even knowing as she thought it that it likely wouldn't happen. People saw what they wanted to see. Agent Jareau had obviously told her team a story so that they would dismiss her odd behavior, and it satisfied their need to look deeper into an area that otherwise would be too painful to enter. She knew as well as anyone else how easily someone could be decieved when it was by someone that they cared about.

Erin Strauss did not get where she was by allowing people to see her weaknesses or relying on others. She prayed that Agent Jareau would not make the same mistake. There were times when appearing weak was not the worst thing in the world. As long as those who saw your weakness could be trusted.

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**_AN/ Well, I hope you liked that :)._**

**_Next up: JJ's therapist--Dr. Whitney Riley_**


	7. Chapter 6: Dr Whitney Riley

**_AN/So, I still don't like the fact that I don't own Criminal Minds--but we all have to deal :)_**

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Chapter 6 (Dr. Riley)

As Doctor Whitney Riley sat down for her first appointment of the day, she saw that she had a new patient. Having been the therapist for police officers in the surrounding counties for nearly four years, she was surprised to see her new patient was a FBI agent. She didn't often treat those.

As the nurse let the woman into her office, Whitney couldn't help but notice how the woman held her arms around herself, putting a barrier up between her and the outside world. With grim understanding, Whitney stood to greet the woman, hoping that she could do her job well enough to help this poor woman through whatever she may be going through. "Hi there, I'm Doctor Whitney Riley, but all my patients call me Whitney. Doctor Riley is just too formal to use when talking to someone about life's trials." She laughed at her own little joke. She always had a habit for speaking the awkward truths, while effective in therapy, it made introductions uncomfortable.

JJ took the hand awkwardly. "Jennifer Jareau, but I go by JJ if you'd like."

"Why don't you take a seat?" Whitney said, trying to push through the initial uneasiness. Whenever she had a new patient she had to try to get past the trust issues before anything could happen. She couldn't blame her patients for not trusting her instantly, it was human nature. It was hard to tell a perfect stranger the intimate details that you withheld from your closet friends. And therapy was scary to begin with; you never knew what the therapist would say. There were some psychologists that still held firm to the psychosexual stages, and the last thing people wanted to hear was that they were fixated on their mother or father. A person could never know how validated the information they received was. Whitney understood all of this, which was what made her good at her job. Now, she just had to put all those worries to rest so that she could do her job.

Whitney surprised a laugh when she saw JJ grimace at the couch. People also tended to be weary of the couch cliché, but they got over it eventually. She laughed at how comfortable people got with the practices of psychology--by the end of her therapy sessions, she could get patients to take Ink-Blot test without question.

"JJ, why are you here?" Whitney asked, beginning the round of questions that were a formality for her. Usually, people didn't really know why they were there, that was why they were seeing her. But she was a true believer that once someone admitted to what their problem was, that they could overcome it easily.

"Will." JJ replied, not offering any explanation.

"Who's Will?" Whitney was glad that JJ was at least not one of those patients who started crying and sharing their life stories within the first question. Those patients, while always rewarding once a breakthrough was made, tended to need a lot of attention and left Dr. Riley with little or no social life. She already had several; she was in no need of another person to talk off the ledge. She often felt callous when she thought of patients this way, but she couldn't help it. She'd been a therapist for too long.

"Just someone I used to know." JJ said sadly. Whitney watched as the patient retreated into her own thoughts, she wasn't alarmed, people did this often.

"And how did he help you make this decision to come talk to me?" Whitney asked kindly. She wanted JJ to feel like she was in control, that by coming to therapy, she was being proactive. By making it JJ's choice, it would help progress occur.

"He made me promise." JJ responded shortly, not choosing to elaborate.

"And why would he do that?" She knew that soon she'd reach the hard part, the part where JJ couldn't respond in one word vague answers. When that point was reached, that was where the truth was. She could tell from JJ's demeanor that it could be any amount of time before JJ actually told her the truth, while she knew it would come, she knew better than to expect it right away.

"He saw me as weak." JJ whispered, clutching her hands around her. Whitney saw the projection from a mile away. People were fairly universal in their defense mechanisms. She instantly knew JJ's biggest fear... Vulnerability. Those who thrived on courage only feared being weak.

"Why do you say that?" She prodded. "You're a FBI agent; you seem to have everything going for you. It appears that you're anything but weak."

"Appearances can be deceiving." JJ mumbled, low enough that while Whitney could hear her, she was sure that she wasn't supposed to. _"What on earth has this girl gone through?" _Whitney asked herself silently. As JJ gulped for air, Whitney heard the answer that broke her heart. Again spoken so softly that she barely heard it, she heard a small whisper. "Because I am."

Whitney allowed her patient to wallow in her obvious discomfort for a moment before asking, "Why would you think you're weak?"

Whitney watched as the woman across from her opened her mouth though no sound came out.

"It's alright; you don't have to say more than you can." Whitney comforted after a moment. Trust took time; she didn't expect them to make leaps and bounds in their first session. "You're in control here."

"Am I?" JJ laughed wearily. "I'm sitting in some therapist's office because someone made me and I can't get a word out. I got reprimanded at work for punching a reporter. I don't feel in control."

Whitney nodded understandingly, "JJ, whatever happened, no matter how bad it was. You're still here. No matter how you feel, you made it through. You're still here."

"Maybe I don't want to be." JJ whispered.

"You might feel that way now, but I believe the best way out of a situation is always through it." Whitney smiled. "When was the last time you felt in control?"

"Not since the party." JJ answered truthfully. Whitney could see that every response was calculated, JJ was sharing as much as she could without leaving herself vulnerable. It would come in time, trust took a long time to develop, and she suspected that with Agent Jennifer Jareau, trust would take far longer.

"You like being in control." Whitney deduced.

"Doesn't everybody?" JJ laughed nervously.

"Most people, some don't trust themselves enough to ever think of taking control over themselves, let alone others." Whitney mused. "But no, most people want nothing more than control."

"So then why are you acting like I'm so different?" JJ asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because you've had something happen to you that has put your loci of control outside of yourself, and now your goal is to take it back." Whitney said, giving JJ a knowing look. She could see the heart sink of the blonde patient in front of her.

"You know." It wasn't a question, it was a fact. The moment JJ walked into the facility Dr. Riley had understood.

"JJ, you were raped. That doesn't make you weak, or helpless, or..."

" I was attacked." JJ corrected her softly but firmly.

"Is that what happened, or do you just feel more comfortable with that word?" Whitney asked, knowing the answer.

"It was--I guess--both. "

"So, you were--" Whitney left it hanging, knowing that the first step in recovery was admitting what happened.

"He was giving me a ride home. Then I couldn't move, I could feel his breath on my skin and I could move. I couldn't move! I could feel him as he-as he-- he attacked me."

"You mean he-"

"He raped me." JJ whispered.

Whitney smiled encouragingly. "JJ, you said it. Now that the word is out there, it can't fester in the darkest parts of your mind. It can't hurt you. Not anymore. If you aren't afraid of it, then it doesn't have any power over you."

"Admitting it doesn't make it go away." JJ said indifferently. And it was true; admitting that something did happen couldn't change the past.

"By admitting the past, it can't blot out your future." Whitney offered, hoping that the woman could understand the progress she was making. It took recognition before a person could overcome. "Running from problems only makes them chase you."

"Then I'll run faster." JJ chuckled. Whitney already knew where this was coming from. It was easy to use humor and sarcasm as a protective shield when things got too personal. It was hard coming to terms with the fact that you had become a victim, it was probably worse when you made a living helping them. Whitney understood it, which was why she let JJ have her moment of self protection.

"As your therapist, I'm required by law to report it." Whitney informed JJ.

"It already has been, and he isn't ever going to get convicted." JJ said bitterly. "I used to believe in the justice system, but how can I when it's failing me? I have gotten convictions for people who killed their children's molesters, but my attacker is going to roam free. The innocent and justified suffer while the vile are never caught."

"JJ..." Whitney trailed off, JJ took it as a sign to continue.

"Want to know the sickest part of it? I'm waiting for him to hurt someone else so that he can get caught. I literally am waiting for some other woman to get raped so that justice might have a fighting chance at working. How horrible is that? He's turned me into a monster, just like him. All because they 'lost' my kit." JJ's eyes began to swell with tears, but Whitney saw her fight wildly to contain them.

"You aren't a monster." Dr. Riley shook her head.

"I want him to slip up. I want him to get caught and the only way for that to happen is for him to attack someone else. I disgust myself."

"You want him to get caught. It isn't wrong to want justice for yourself. You went to the hospital. Do you know how many women never report what happened? I get women coming in everyday who refuse to talk about this, even though it's killing them from the inside. You told the police, and through someone else's incompetence, it won't help. That isn't your fault. Everything you've done thus far has been to help keep other women from your same fate. Don't let a moment of desperation cloud your true intentions."

"I punched a reporter." JJ smiled wryly. "He said that the women deserved it and I lost all control over myself. Before I knew it, I felt my fist meet his mouth. It was a good hit, I could tell from the sound it made. Is it bad to say that I felt even better when he began to bleed?"

"If you hadn't hit him, someone else would have eventually. That doesn't make you awful, it makes you human." Whitney laughed. Allowing her patient to change the subject. She knew that not everything could be resolved in one session-if it could, she'd be out of a job-but she would give JJ space. For now.

"What if I don't want to be human?" JJ whispered, Whitney wasn't sure whether it was directed to her or not. But she chose to answer anyway.

"Tough luck." Whitney laughed as JJ smirked in agreement. Dr. Riley knew that JJ would soon become one of her favorite patients--she tended to like the ones who seemed to want to get better.

"I guess it is a little too late for that one." JJ reflected.

"Yeah, but being human isn't such a bad thing." Whitney pointed out smiling. "You should try it."

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**_AN2--Okay, so I've never been to therapy, so I apologize now for any inaccuracies. My knowledge of psychology is all from Wikipedia and my Psych 1010 class--so, let me know what you think!_**


	8. Chapter 7: Rossi

**_AN--Thanks to everybody who's still following the story! Hope you like it. Also, tell me what you think of David Rossi in this chapter--love him?--hate him?--I didn't want him to come across as a jerk, but I can see how some people might think that, so I would LOVE to hear what you think. :)_**

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Chapter 7

David Rossi had only a few things that he hated. One of the things hated more than absolutely anything, not being out in the Field. He loathed being stuck at precinct. He became a profiler to see crime scenes and create profiles. Not babysit JJ, a fully grown woman and capable agent, because Hotch was afraid of what she'd do a month later.

"It was a good hit, the guy deserved it." Rossi thought to himself. Hotch had taken to keeping one member of the team with JJ at all times in order to protect the unit from future lawsuits. Even though he would come up with a legitimate excuse to have a profiler with JJ, the entire team—the blonde included—knew what he was really doing.

Rossi had always liked JJ. She was competent and did a good job. But he was now noticing that something seemed off with the liaison. She wasn't fiery and feisty like she used to be, nor did she sit in the bubbly analyst's office for hours anymore. She now seemed subdued and distant. He had first noticed it a few weeks ago when Emily brought up JJ's odd behavior. Now he couldn't help but see it.

Today, however, he was catching a unique view of the blonde. He had noticed how she avoided situations where she would be surrounded by men—noticed with the pang of realization that it brought--though he hadn't said anything. He had even noticed how she, given the choice, would pair herself with Emily rather than anyone else—something that she hadn't done before. But today was something different. Today, JJ was fighting.

He walked into the break room of the small precinct to find the blonde sitting at a table, seemingly not listening to the dozen men that were joking and laughing as they drank their coffee. It was something that should have seemed normal, though with the behavior of the blonde in the recent months, it was anything but normal. He smirked softly to himself as he noticed the white knuckles as JJ clutched her coffee cup tightly. As he walked closer, he could see her quietly counting to herself "one hundred and thirty four….one hundred and thirty five…"

"One hundred and thirty seven what?" He asked as he sat down next to her. The other officers quickly left the room, not wanting the legendary star to think that they were doing anything but working diligently.

"Seconds." JJ breathed in deeply as the others left.

"Cognitive Behavior Therapy." Rossi surmised, "So, you _have_ been seeing someone."

"Excuse me?" JJ asked.

"A professional. I've been wondering if you'd be stupid and try to figure this all out for yourself or if you'd let someone help you. Good for you."

"I don't know what you think you know—" JJ attempted to cast doubt in his mind, but he wasn't about to let her. He had known for weeks that he needed to talk to her, offer her some support.

"You were raped." He said bluntly, "Probably by someone you knew or were close with. It wasn't Will, I thought that for a little while when I heard you broke it off with him, but it wasn't him."

"You have no idea what you're talking about." JJ's face was a mask of control, but he could see the slight panic in her eyes.

"It happened what? A month and a half ago?" He persisted. Initially it seemed as though she would refute him, but he could see the resigned look in her eyes as she realized that he wasn't going to let it go.

"Forty-seven days ago." JJ admitted, her face falling.

"I'm sorry." He offered.

"Am I even fooling anyone? Maybe I should just quit. If they all think I'm so pathetic, maybe I should just—"

"JJ, just stop. No one thinks you're pathetic. They don't even know. Besides, you don't have to hide it for them."

"I'm not hiding it _for_ them, I'm hiding it _from_ them."

"But you're hiding it _for_ yourself. Right?"

She nodded silently, "I guess I'm not doing a very good job of it." She said after a moment.

"You're doing an excelent job of it, you almost had even me fooled." Rossi admitted.

"Then how--?"

"Maybe if they'd been doing this for twenty years longer they'd have figured it out by now. But people believe what they want, and believing that your grandma died is far easier than delving deeper to something that they all fear." He interrupted.

"I was trying to see how long I could do it. I talked to Whitney and she told me it was a good idea." JJ mused, though he wasn't sure if she were speaking to him or if she were speaking to herself.

"Whitney?"

"My…um…" She stammered slightly.

"Oh. Your shrink." He said as realization dawned.

"Yeah."

"There's no shame in needing to talk to someone. Heaven knows it would help Hotch. There's also nothing wrong with taking meds if they help—I'm tempted to slip some Ritalin in Reid's coffee, but that would be unethical." He chuckled as the intended soft smile graced her lips. "Society gives this all a stigma, but you've got to do what works."

"No, I'm not on medication. She offered, said they might help, but I told her no." JJ informed him.

"JJ, why wouldn't you take the drugs?" Rossi asked, more out of curiosity than disdain. He had always been interested in why some people chose medication, and others chose to fight it out themselves.

"Why am I telling you all of this?" JJ laughed lightly, attempting to change the topic of conversation. Rossi felt compelled to answer honestly.

"Because I'm the one that you have the most distant relationship with. Because it's easier to tell a complete stranger your problems than someone who knows you well. Because if there's someone on this team that understands what it's like to feel like an outcast, it's me." He told her, then asked again "Why wouldn't you take the meds? Especially if they would help."

"If all of this has taught me anything, it's that my gut is the only thing I can trust." JJ broke out into a whisper. "I didn't listen to it and I got raped. It's the only thing I've got right now and it's screaming at me to not take the pills. I've got to listen to it."

"Fair enough." Rossi dismissed, clearly satisfied with the answer.

"How could you tell?" JJ asked curiously.

"I spent twenty years thinking like some of the vilest creatures on this planet. When I came back to the BAU, I just seemed to think a lot more like the victims."

"I can't seem to stop thinking like the victims." JJ admitted softly.

"Can I offer you some advice?" He asked gently.

"Sure."

"I can't begin to imagine what you've been through, but in my old age, I've come to realize some things."

"What could the legendary David Rossi learn that he didn't already know?" JJ smiled, trying to lighten the mood to discourage such a personal conversation.

Rossi clearly recognized the defense mechanism, but continued anyway, "I've realized that life sucks. Bad things happen, and there's no reason for it. Good people suffer and die while bad people get away with it. No matter how hard we try to stop it—it's just the way it is. You can either wallow, or you can get over it. As much as it bites, those are really your only options." He knew it sounded harsh, but he had long ago given up trying to be politically correct. The truth _was_ harsh, and when it was sugar-coated, it often didn't carry the weight that it should. He also knew that if anyone could take the cold, hard truth, it was Jennifer Jareau.

"But how can I get over it?" JJ asked quietly.

"It sounds funny and like some Sunday school lesson I learned when I was little and my mother was determined to make me a good Catholic, but it's true: helping other people is a sure way to forget your own problems."

"It's not that simple. I'm not sure I'm ready to forget. I don't know if I can hold on anymore." She admitted softly.

"I've learned that a person can endure just about anything. You're stronger than you think." Rossi said, having a fatherly moment, patted her gingerly on the knee. "But your secret is safe with me." He stood, leaving the blonde to her thoughts once more.

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**_AN--Next up: Elle Greenaway (Yes, she's making an appearance)_**


	9. Chapter 8: Elle

Chapter 8 (Elle)

Volunteering at the rape clinic had been the only thing to get former FBI agent Elle Greenaway through the last few years. After she had gotten shot, she had lost herself for a while. Lost and unsure of who she was, she had eventually done the only thing that felt natural—helping those that were defenseless. The more she tried to help, the more she came to grips with who she was. The more she lost herself helping others, the better she felt. She finally felt alive.

It brought her to the side that she so easily forgot when she was at the BAU. That the victims were who she did her job for--not the killers, not the rapists—the victims. It had brought a whole new perspective that Elle had been too blind to see. She wished that things hadn't gotten to the point they had. That she would have understood her limit before she sacrificed everything she believed in. But she felt like she was where she was supposed to be, and that was enough to quiet the strongest doubts in her mind.

"Hey Gina." She said to her familiar co-volunteer. She had been coming in about once a week for the last three years, in that time she had become very familiar with the others who felt the need to make a difference by working at the St. Anne's shelter for women and children. She usually counseled rape victims or tried to talk some sense into women who were junkies. They had an eclectic assortment of residents, victims and patients; and tried to do their best with the limited funding and man power they had, but it was still hard to stay afloat. That however, never changed the reward of helping someone else stand on higher ground. Whatever the difficulties the shelter had, it reveled in its triumphs.

While Elle knew what stayed constant the shelter, she was still learning that surprises do happen. So when she saw her former colleague, SSA Jennifer Jareau, she tried to chock it up to a coincidence. She didn't really know the proper etiquette for when you see a former coworker whom you never were attached to at a rape clinic; especially if the coworker thought you a murderer.

"JJ, how are you?" Elle asked awkwardly. She smiled but she knew that she wasn't fooling the blonde. While they kept their dislike for each other silent, they both knew the truth.

"I'm fine." JJ said nervously, "I didn't know that you were…here." JJ said quickly.

"I volunteer here. Once a week." Elle offered, not sure why she felt that she needed to explain herself.

"Oh." JJ said lamely as one of the workers came up behind the women.

"Elle, nice to see you. JJ's new so if you could just show her what to do, that would be great." Elle wanted to laugh at the irony of having to show JJ around—not that she didn't like the blonde, but she would have preferred to never see her coworkers again.

"Yeah, sure." Elle masked her disbelief at the irony of this situation. "It's kind of slow at first, but usually we just chat with the junkies and offer support to the victims of sexual assault. Come on, I'll introduce you to Stella."

Stella, as JJ quickly learned, was a tall, thin black woman with an attitude. "What do you want?" Stella asked as they approached her.

"Aww, somebody not able to shoot up this morning?" Elle said antagonistically.

The other woman chuckled, "You know, you're the only gal with enough balls to talk to me like that?"

"I'm from Brooklyn, it comes with the territory." Elle said quickly, causing all three women to smile. "Stella, this is my friend JJ."

The woman looked her over quickly. "Pretty Blonde Girl? What are you doing here? You don't understand." Stella dismissed quickly.

Elle saw JJ square her shoulders defiantly, "You think I don't understand?" JJ exploded, "You think I don't understand wanting to forget? Waking up each morning wishing you had died sometime in the night, so you didn't have to go on anymore. Believe me, I understand."

Elle stared at the blonde in shock, only now seeming to see the dark circles under her eyes.

"What happened to you?" Stella asked gruffly, though immensely curious.

"I was…" Elle watched as the blonde steeled herself, then took a deep breath and looked the other woman in the eyes, "I was raped."

Stella nodded, her respect for JJ visibly growing. "By who?"

"My uncle. A family party." She admitted. Elle couldn't help the pity that overcame her as she looked at the blonde.

JJ couldn't meet Elle's eyes and instead focused on the junkie across from them. "What's your story?"

"I was raised in foster care. My dad stole a car and my mom was a prostitute. The heroin was the only thing that was ever there for me." Stella confessed. It was a two way street, she could respect Blondie much more now that she knew that she'd gone through something too.

JJ listened intently. Elle had remembered that JJ was a natural at communicating with others, but she was far more skilled than she ever had given her credit for. Elle stared intently at the woman, knowing she had to say something. In the past when Elle had to speak with someone concerning things like their rapes, she often knew what to say long before. But this time, she knew she was going to have to go on faith.

* * *

After they had spoken with Stella, JJ had been pulled away by another volunteer to use her expertise in Media relations to help with a press release. This had left Elle with no opportunity to speak with her former colleague. She had gone about her day, doing her usual counseling and comforting, trying to find any spare moment when she could talk to JJ.

The opportunity didn't come until shift change when a new set of volunteers took over. Elle ran up to JJ, hoping to catch her before she left.

"Hey Jayje." She called, watching as the blonde turned around. She remembered how not once while they had worked together had she called her 'Jayje', that affectionate nickname was left for Garcia and Reid to use at their will. But for some reason, she felt more comfortable with JJ now than she ever had at the BAU.

JJ smiled patiently, waiting for Elle to catch up to her.

"Do you want to go get some coffee? I mean, it's kind of like a little reunion, we should go get coffee." Elle instantly knew that JJ wasn't fooled. When she worked at the FBI, she thought JJ was completely oblivious to the art of being a profiler. Now, she was realizing that JJ picked up on more than she thought.

"Sure. That would be nice." JJ said after a moment. Elle could see that JJ was dreading what was going to be said. But her admiration rose for the blonde infinitely. JJ knew that she wasn't going to like what she had to say, but she knew she needed to hear it. Elle was quickly realizing that she might have judged the woman prematurely.

As the pair's footsteps fell in line with each other, Elle stayed silent, not knowing how to breach the awkward chasm that stood between her and what needed to be said. Surprisingly, it was JJ who broke the silence as they sat down in the small diner.

"You know, I never knew how you could do it—go after an UnSub and shoot him." JJ got down to the point. "Now I think I know."

"JJ—" Elle started, at a loss for what to say.

"Every time I go to sleep at night, I think of what it would be like, to shoot him. To take his life in my hands and end it. But I'm too weak to do anything about it."

"You're not weak." Elle insisted softly.

"I'm not? I am supposed to be one of the good guys. I'm supposed to fight for justice, and instead, I envision becoming a monster, but I can't even do that right." JJ said with self-loathing.

"I shot him." Elle admitted.

"I know." JJ scoffed.

"In cold blood. He wasn't attacking me. I knew he wasn't armed and I killed him." Elle insisted, for some reason feeling compelled to tell the blonde everything that she had kept a secret for years.

"How did it feel?" JJ asked softly.

Elle felt sick at the realization that her blonde friend had contemplated coming to the same fate that she had fallen into herself. "Powerful." Elle admitted.

"Sometimes I wonder…" JJ trailed off, lost in her thoughts.

"Sometimes you wonder what it's like?" Elle offered.

"Yeah."

"There is one thing said for power, but you can't ever prepare yourself for the guilt. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I expected these victims to have faith in the justice system when I didn't. While I would do it again in a heartbeat, I realized that me and him, we are the same. I got off on the power. Find another way."

"But it won't feel the same. I want him dead." JJ whispered, the shock of this confession apparent in her voice.

"Yeah, you do now. But you won't always. I know I am the last person to tell you this, but one of these days, you are going to get up in the morning and not feel like the world is crashing down on you. One day, it won't be the first thing you think about in the morning or the last thing you think of when you go to bed. It will just be another memory. And on that day, the last thing you need is to think of him. I don't like it, but Lee is always on my mind, with how much I think about him he might as well have raped me."

"But he didn't rape you." JJ reaffirmed.

"No, maybe if he had I wouldn't feel so guilty." Elle admitted.

* * *

_AN--So, what'd you think? Love it? Hate it? Cool. Let me know._


	10. Chapter 9: Dan Jareau

Chapter 9 (JJ's dad)

Daniel Jareau couldn't help but be surprised when he saw his daughter for the first time in a few months. JJ used to come home more often, but lately she'd been too busy to leave work. Her phone calls were short and concise, not elaborating on any point. Not that JJ had ever been one to spill her heart and soul over the phone, but she seemed distant. The hollowness in her voice pained him to hear, but he tried to assure his wife along with himself that it was just a rough patch. Life was hard, and he was sure that whatever JJ was going through, she would survive.

But no parent ever wanted anything bad to happen to their children, so it broke his heart that when he saw her for the first time in a while, she looked broken. She sounded like she was getting better little by little, but now it begged the question of how bad was she when she was at her worse? She looked like hell, she had lost weight and her eyes were void of the sparkle that Dan was used to seeing in her, and this was her on the mend. It tore him apart to merely imagine what she might have looked like at the bottom of the pit.

"Hey honey." He hugged her and noticed how she stiffened, but smiled happily regardless--pretending that the woman in front of him was his daughter and not someone void of all life.

"Hey Daddy." JJ smiled. It wasn't her real smile, but it was close. Close enough that while Dan had no idea what happened to his daughter, he was proud at the strides she had made.

"How's my pumpkin and that beautiful little grandbaby?" He asked as he helped her take her luggage out of her car to carry to the house.

"I'm fine." Again smiling close to normal, "Henry seems to like Pennsylvania." She said as she shifted the small boy on her hip while he gurgled happily.

"What's not to like?" Dan said as he lugged his daughter's bags to the front porch.

"You're brother is going to be glad to see you, and we've got a barbecue that your grandmother planned since you and Justin are home. They're both already there."

"A barbecue?" JJ asked so quietly that he could barely hear her.

"Pumpkin, what's wrong?" Dan asked as he took the squirming baby from her arms.

"Daddy," He was surprised to see tears forming in his daughters eyes as she sat down on the porch in front of their home, "I can't go to the barbecue."

Dan was shocked. He had always been proud of how his little girl wasn't one to cry at the drop of a hat, so this had to be something serious, "That's fine. You don't have to go." He assured her.

"Last time I was here, something happened." JJ informed him, he could see in her eyes how badly she wanted to share whatever burden was weighing her down.

"What happened sweetheart?" Dan asked, this couldn't be good, but at least she could talk about it.

"I was," she sighed as though fighting for control, "I was raped."

At that moment, Dan felt his world crashing down. His beautiful little girl had been violated. He sunk down to the porch, sitting next to her.

"Oh, honey." He said, placing his arm around her protectively, not knowing that this was the first time that such an expression hadn't gone unwelcomed by his daughter. Instead, JJ leaned into him, burrying her face in his shoulder as she let out a sob. Dan Jareau didn't know that JJ hadn't cried like this since she was dumped by her high school boyfriend. He didn't know that he was the first person that JJ had confided in that wasn't a professional or a victim herself. But what he did know was that he would kill the man who did this to his little girl.

They sat like that for what felt like hours until the sobs slowly ceased. "I'll go get your mother and Justin and we'll just have a small get together. Just the five of us." He placated, somehow able to push aside the rage that exploded inside of him.

"I'm sorry." She wiped her eyes, "No--I'll be okay, it's just."

"You have nothing to be sorry for Pumpkin." He insisted. "Give me a few minutes, and we'll be right back."

* * *

"Where's JJ? I've really missed her since the last party." Anna's brother asked him snidely as Dan looked around for his wife. Although Jareau family barbecues were a family affair, in the small town of East Allegheny and surrounding area, everyone was related. All of the 'family functions' turned into a community affair. Since both Dan and Anna had grown up in the small town, both extended families came to the party.

When Dan looked at the situation, he realized what had happened. It wasn't some monster that had hurt his little girl. Maybe it was a monster, but it was a monster he knew. "Actually, I think she's coming. I bet she's hanging out on the other side of the house, I'll go with you to check." Dan said feigning civility.

As the two men made their way around the house, Dan Jareau turned around suddenly, throwing a punch at Jeff that resounded in loud 'thud' and knocked the younger man to the ground. He had calculated his moves carefully--Jeff had to pay for what he did to JJ.

"What was that for?" Jeff asked, rubbing his bleeding lip.

"MY DAUGHTER JEFF! YOU RAPED MY DAUGHTER!" Dan cried, kicking the man fiercely in the gut.

Jeff couldn't stand for this. He got up and started throwing a few jabs of his own, none making contact. While Jeff was big, Dan was bigger and much stronger. Dan hadn't fought anyone in years, but the aggressive actions came easily to him. He was out for a vengeance.

"Your slut daughter doesn't know what she's talking about. I didn't do anything to her. She probably screwed some guy and is now crying rape. But I didn't do anything with your daughter that she didn't want." Jeff seethed, pushing Dan vigorously.

Dan punched him in the nose. "Slut? You jackass!" Dan's fury was unleashed, "My baby girl is never going to be the same. Do you have any idea what you've done? My daughter! Anna and I trusted you, we---" He fumed viciously as he delivered a right hook to the side of Jeff's face. "We're family---how could you? JJ trusted you!"

"I didn't do anything." Jeff lied, nursing what felt like a bruised rib and dodging Dan's left foot. "I'm going to book you for assault."

"And I'm going to turn you in for rape! Some cop you turned out to be." Dan retorted, shoving the man one last time.

"Do you have any evidence? Because if not, she's got no shot in hell of getting a conviction." He taunted. Dan could feel a new-even more powerful sense of rage pulse through his throbbing veins. The man practically admitted to raping his daughter.

Dan threw the man against the house. Holding him up by his shirt, Dan looked straight into the eyes of what felt like the Satan incarnate. "You listen to me Jeff. You're going to stay as far away from my family as you can. Or so help me I've got a shotgun and an acre behind my house, and no one will ever hear of your sorry, little name ever again. You even speak to her and I will kill you. Got it?"

Jeff nodded gravely. Dan saw his son Justin, who had come up from Wyoming just to visit, walk over. Justin didn't instantly understand why his father had his uncle in a choke-hold, but he knew it had to be for a good reason. He walked over and stood protectively next to his father.

"You've got three seconds to get in your car and get as far away from me as you can before I rip your beady, little eyes out. Go." Dan warned as he threw the man violently against the house one last time. Jeff instinctively grabbed his keys from his pocket and ran to his beat up cop car-the same car that he had used to hurt Dan Jareau's daughter.

As Justin and Dan watched the car squeal and speed away. Justin turned to his father, he had never seen his dad hit another human being in his life, he was sure that whatever Jeff had done-it had to be bad. "What was that all about?"

"That bastard hurt JJ." Dan informed in a pained whisper. He was torn to whether he should tell his son what had happened or not. In the end he decided that Justin loved JJ too, and would help do whatever he could to protect her from the man they used to consider family.

The son let out a small growl. "He's going to get it. I'm calling the cops."

"And say what? That their Police Chief attacked your sister-who happens to be his niece. It would never work. Our community wouldn't turn on him like that."

"But what about JJ? They _love_ JJ. They wouldn't let some guy attack her and get away with it." Justin defended passionately.

"If it'd been anyone else, they'd wring the man's neck." Dan agreed. "But no one wants to think of the chief of police as a rapist. He's got a wife and two kids. They'll stand by him."

"He _raped _her?" Justin asked disbelievingly, the anger boiling inside of him intensifying exponentially. "Let me at him. I'm going to kill him with my bare hands."

"You and me both." Dan nodded. "I told him if he even looks at her, he will pay."

"Does Mom know?" Justin questioned, wanting to know who was helping his sister through this mess.

Dan shook his head. "I only just found out myself. JJ will tell her--when she's ready." He wouldn't rob his daughter of her right of privacy.

* * *

**A/N--I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, so let me know what you think. I wanted Uncle Jeff to get what he deserved...but I'm not sure it came out perfectly. Thanks for reading.**

**A/N 2--Next up: Dr. Spencer Reid**


	11. Chapter 10: Reid

Chapter 10 (Reid)

Spencer Reid was anything but dense. He had three PhD's and several bachelors degrees, yet he couldn't help but kick himself for the stupidity he had exhibited in the last few months. He should have known better. He should have noticed that something was up with JJ.

He had always liked JJ. JJ was always kind to him, even after the catastrophe that turned out to be their first date. He even had a crush on her when she first started, not that she knew. So when he saw her acting odd, he felt bad feeling suspicious, he felt bad that he was so worried. But the time was past for the loyalty he had to her. Reid loved JJ, which is why he had to tell her the things he feared.

When he first made up his mind to finally confront JJ about who she had become, he had been terrified. Emily and Morgan, two of the bravest people he had ever known, hadn't dared to say anything. Garcia was still treading lightly where JJ was concerned—and Garcia was JJ's best friend. At least she used to be, but Reid hadn't seen the pair speak in forever.

Now, he was just biding his time, waiting for the perfect time. He wasn't sure the social protocol for asking a coworker what she was hiding, but he was sure that whatever it was—it was bad. JJ was tougher than nails, she wouldn't go into a funk like this for this long unless it was bad. Now he just had to find the perfect time, a time where no one could see her yell at him.

He finally got his opportunity late one night. He saw JJ's light on in her office, knowing that she yet again was working late. He took in a deep breath, calming his nerves before he began his suicide mission. Then he rapped lightly on JJ's office door.

"Come in." The weary voice of the media liaison called.

"Hey JJ." He began, completely unsure of what he needed to say. "Can we erm…Talk."

"Sure Reid." She smiled politely. Reid couldn't help but notice that she never called him Spence anymore, that last time she had was when she made him Henry's godfather. He kind of missed that term of endearment. "What can I do for you?"

He decided that it was best to be blunt. JJ had never been one to appreciate it when people would beat around the bush. She liked dealing with issues and questions as they arose, rather than pretending that they didn't exist, which was part of what he noticed was changing about her. "We've been friends for years, right?"

"Sure." JJ responded noncommittally.

"You know you can trust me, right?" It was odd, the word that was used so often. He knew what trust was like, he knew how easily it was to decide that no one could be trusted—it had almost ruined his life.

"Of course, what can I help you with?" JJ asked.

"I need to know what you're hiding." He said bluntly, not surprised to see the shocked look in her eyes that was quickly masked. "I know what it's like to try to keep a secret from the team, and I need to know what it is."

"It's not an issue anymore."

"But it was an issue. As your friend, I'm asking you to confide in me."

"I can't." JJ said. It had been hard telling her family, but to tell her coworkers who would see her everyday just seemed excruciating.

"Fine. Then I'll tell you my secret. I've only been clean for seventeen months. I had a little relapse after Gideon left, but I'm back on track."

"Reid—" JJ shuddered, looking straight into his eyes. "Spence—"

"I know that I shouldn't have gone back, but relapsing gave me the conviction to keep moving forward in recovery. JJ, I want you to keep moving forward." Reid admitted. "I want to help you. I—uh, can't promise that I'll fix everything, but I want to help."

JJ debated for a moment. It was hard. Whitney had tried to convince her that telling people would just get easier, but she hated reliving everything that had happened. "I can't." She admitted.

"Fine." Reid relented, "although you may not trust me, there are other people on this team that you should trust." He turned to leave, willing to let her make decisions in her life, but wanting her to know that he would be watching out for her.

"Spence?" She called after him, causing him to dart back into the room. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know what Garcia did, or didn't do, or said, and I'm sure she deserved it." He started, not wanting her to feel like he was attacking her on every side.

"But?" She prodded.

"But, we've all noticed how you won't talk to her—you won't even be in the same room with her. Stop punishing her. You trusted her once, and I'm sure that she hasn't done something so horrific to cause you to lose all faith in her." He admonished in a rare moment of eloquence.

"She deserves a better friend." JJ admitted, "I just—"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me." Reid reaffirmed, seeing the brilliance of his own statement, "But quit punishing yourself. You need her, and she needs you."

JJ thought for a moment, he could see the wheels in her head turning. "Thanks, Spence." She smiled at him, signaling that their conversation was complete.

"JJ, just remember. Secrets may make you feel comfortable, but they'll destroy you." He warned as he stepped out of her office, praying he had made a difference in the life of his friend.

"Spence?" JJ called after him.

"When I told you that I just wanted to be friends, I really did like you." JJ admitted, Reid laughed recalling the date they had years before. It seemed like a far and distant memory, but a happy one all the same. "I just had a boyfriend at the time."

"Thanks JJ." He walked out of the room, letting her make out of their conversation what she would.

* * *

**Next up: Penelope Garcia**


	12. Chapter 11: Garcia

**AN: I really struggled with writing this chapter, so let me know what you think.**

Chapter 11 (Garcia)

"Hey, Penelope, can I talk to you?" A meek voice asked. Garcia turned around and stared in shock at the figure in the doorway. She couldn't help but pinch herself slightly to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Sure enough, the pinch was painful and she was fairly certain that she hadn't been a victim of an alternate reality, so this was really happening.

"Of course Sugar Puff," Garcia said, trying to contain her excitement. JJ had avoided her like she had a contagious disease for what felt like eternity. "What can I do for you?"

"I just-I wanted to say-I want to tell you that I'm sorry." JJ's words stumbled slightly as she sat down after closing the door behind her.

"For what?" Garcia didn't dare to hope that her long lost prodigal friend could possibly be coming around.

"For everything." JJ sighed. "I've been avoiding you, and I'm sorry."

Garcia squealed happily and wrapped her friend in a hug, "I'm so glad to hear you say that! I've been so worried about you!"

JJ chuckled slightly, "You've seen me every day."

"True." Garcia laughed as the two women fell into an uncomfortable silence.

Garcia eyed her friend. Ever since her trip back home months ago, she had avoided the technical analyst. Now was the first time she had to study her friend. She looked thinner than she had months before, but it was more than losing the extra pounds that came with having a baby.

"I was raped." JJ blurted out, as though she was unsure how to confide in her friend after it had been so long.

"Oh, JJ." Garcia exclaimed. She rarely was at a loss for words, but this was definitely one of those times.

"He slipped something into my drink." JJ talked as if Garcia wasn't in the room, her eyes staring straight in front of her. "I still can't believe I was such a moron."

"JJ, you're not-"

"I know." JJ dismissed smiling at her friend, "I just really need to talk about this with someone besides my therapist."

Garcia wasn't surprised at this revelation. Although JJ may have avoided her, Garcia hadn't forgotten her friend and was completely aware of where she spent her Saturday mornings. "Okay, then, talk away."

"The memories are pretty foggy." JJ admitted, noticing the pain in her friend's eyes but continued anyway, "but there are some things I do remember. I remember him telling me it wasn't going to hurt. I remember him on top of me, _inside_ me and I couldn't do anything about it. Then it goes for a while."

"Then what?" Garcia prodded her friend to continue. Disturbed at the thought that she desperately wanted to know what happened to her friend.

"I think I must have blacked out, because the next thing I remember is him slapping me."

"He wanted you awake." Garcia whispered, she had learned a lot of things in her days as a crime fighter, and one of them was what made some of these sickoes get off.

"Yeah." JJ said quietly.

Garcia felt sick for her friend, devastated that she had gone through so much. Her silence prompted JJ to continue.

"Once he started hitting, it was like the dam broke. He slapped, punched, and kicked me in the chest and abdomen. I couldn't move." Garcia could see the tears in her friend's eyes and couldn't bear it much longer, but remained quiet allowing JJ to continue, "whatever he gave me started to wear off. I must have moved because the next thing I remember is him putting me in my car and driving away. I was so upset, I drove straight home. Back to Virginia. I walked into our apartment and looked at Will and he just knew."

"Oh, gumdrop." Garcia whispered.

"He took me to the hospital to get checked out. I thought it would make a difference. I thought we could get him off the streets. I thought..." JJ trailed off.

"But it didn't?" Garcia questioned.

"No." JJ didn't offer anymore.

The women sat in silence, content with allowing the quiet to mend their long friendship.

Garcia quickly turned around, "What's his name?"

"Jeffery Allen Thompson. My mother's brother." JJ whispered.

"In East Allegheny?"

"Yeah."

Garcia's fingers flew over the keyboard, her mind completely focused. "There!" She said as she completed her intentions.

"There what?" JJ asked curiously from behind.

"That scumbag even breathes wrong and I'll know about it. We'll get him JJ."

"Thanks." JJ smiled. "Thanks for everything."

"Sweetie, I haven't done anything." Garcia said after a moment, uncharacteristically fighting her emotions. She was beginning to get choked up, and it wouldn't do any good to cry when JJ wasn't.

"I know, but through out all of this, I've known that you were there. Even when I didn't want you to be." JJ whispered.

And with this, Garcia could feel herself begin to tear. There was so much tragedy because of JJ's uncle's decision. So many lives affected by the horror that had befallen JJ. Even as things got better step by step, there were people's lives who had been hurt by this. There was Will, who loved JJ enough to walk away. There was Emily, who was constantly trying protect JJ, not knowing that the pain lied in the past, not the future. There was Morgan, who never had confided in her that while he never really was close to JJ, he realized he had taken her for granted. He admited that there was nothing he wanted more than the old JJ back. There was Reid, who couldn't help show how the pain of his first love was killing him. Even Hotch had seemed tortured by the pain of his collegue. The only constant seemed to be Rossi, who felt like was carrying JJ's secret with him, not wanting to out her before she was ready. And finally, there was JJ. Sweet, tenacious JJ, who had been carrying this burden for so long. Garcia wanted nothing more than to murder Jeff Thompson.

* * *

**AN: For all of you that were waiting for almost a week and a half for this update, I apologize. Spring Break, and all that jazz. But, here's this :) Review if you'd like**

**Next up: Aaron Hotchner**


	13. Chapter 12: Hotch

Chapter 12 (Hotch)

"You don't know what it's like!" The young woman accused as Hotch and Prentiss sat in an interrogation room with a recent rape victim. They desperately needed details from her attack two weeks ago in order to gain any information that could possibly help, but she was not cooperating.

"Miss Waters, please, sit down. We need your help." Emily attempted to calm the woman, unsure of how to respond.

"No." The young brunette responded. "I'm sorry, I can't."

A soft knock at the door surprised all of the occupants. Hotch stood to let the person into the room, surprised when JJ appeared on the other side of the door. "Hey, JJ, what do you need?" He asked, noting how the dark circles under her eyes were fading. Just months ago he had been incredibly worried about his colleague, though she seemed to be putting her life back together lately.

"Um, I was wondering if I could try to talk to her." She suggested, then quickly amended, "alone."

JJ had specialized in communications, and throughout her years with the unit, she had talked to thousands of victims. Her small mishap several months before wasn't going to change that. "Okay, JJ. I trust you." He nodded his head toward the double sided mirror, indicating that he would be watching.

She nodded as though she hadn't expected any differently and went to sit in his newly vacated chair. He motioned for Prentiss to follow him as they joined the rest of the team in observation.

"What was that about?" Morgan asked as the others shrugged in response. Hotch noticed how Dave seemed to have a triumphant smirk, but the seasoned profiler remained silent. Truthfully, Hotch did trust JJ, but he had to be careful. As much as he wanted to believe her and trust her, he also had Conversation stopped as the profilers watched JJ with the possible victim.

"I'm JJ, is it okay if I call you Mandy?" The woman nodded while she seemed to accept JJ's presence.

"They don't understand, I just-I can't." The woman stuttered slightly.

"I know." JJ soothed the woman. "It's funny, huh? You are hurt, violated, attacked. The worst time of your life and everybody has to keep asking you to live it over and over again."

"I think about it every second. I-"

"I know." JJ smiled sympathetically, taking only a small glance towards the double sided mirror, she firmly decided to continue her line of conversation, even though it might reveal her own secret. "Sometimes you wonder if you'll ever feel normal again."

"Yeah." Mandy looked at her in surprise, realization dawning slightly, "You too?"

JJ nodded. The two women fell silent at the revelation.

Questioning eyes turned to Aaron Hotchner as the team watched this play out. He shrugged shook his head slightly. He _didn't_know that this had happened. He should have, but he didn't. He had failed yet another member of his team, another person that he was responsible for. Now, analyzing her actions over the last eight months Hotch could see the many warning signals. _How did I miss it?_ He berated himself before turning back to the women in the interrogation room. _How could I have failed?_

"As hard as it is," JJ continued her train of thought, "you only have two options. You can help us or you don't have to. You can relive the worst moments of your life, or we can wait for someone else to get hurt and ask them to help us."

Hotch watched as he saw the gears turning in the young woman's mind. "If I don't do anything, he's going to hurt someone else." She said, slightly horrified as she realized what JJ had tried to say.

"Yeah, he is." JJ admitted.

"Did they catch your guy?" Mandy asked quietly.

JJ shook her head sadly. "They,uh, lost my evidence. We know who he is, but I'm not going to get a conviction. But that's alright, because my friend is watching him like a hawk, and the moment he even thinks about hurting someone else, we going to get him."

Hotch loved JJ like a member of his own family. She was his family. She had been for a long time. If he ever got even a look at the guy that hurt her, the man would be in for it. The most disturbing fact was the knowledge that he knew everything that went on in the lives of the killers he tracked, but he had so carelessly turned a blind eye to JJ and her pain. He should have been there for her. He wanted nothing more than to say something to comfort her, but his deepest intuition told him that he needed to remain silent. This was JJ's time to say something.

"How did you get over that?" The girl pleaded. "How do you start over?"

"I'm still working on that." JJ confided, Hotch could see her trying to keep tabs on her emotions. "But I promise you that it will get better. I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is life after this."

"What if I don't want a life after this?" Mandy whimpered.

"One day you will. One day, this will all be a memory." JJ comforted. Hotch remembered one other time he had gotten a glimpse of JJ that he hadn't seen before, the day she told Polly the same thing she was telling Mandy. He now knew that JJ really belived, while this was all traumatic, it all ended the same. Eventually, it would be nothing more than a memory.

"How am I supposed to get there? I don't know who I am anymore." Clasping her head in her hands, the girl began to cry.

JJ put her hand on Mandy's shoulder softly and began to whisper. "You are a teenage girl who loves to dance. Your room is yellow, you have a dog named Sandy. You love life and your friends. You've been raised to be polite, and you love making people happy. He's taken so much from you, don't let him take who you are too."

Hotch watched the various members of the team. Emily folded her arms around herself, trying to keep herself from falling apart. Morgan's jaw was clenched tightly and his limbs were shaking angrily, threatening to explode at any moment. Rossi nodded softly to what JJ was saying, smiling slightly, like he was proud at the avenue she was taking. Reid looked shocked and pale, disgusted at what he was hearing.

"How didn't I see it?" Emily asked to no one in particular. "Why didn't--"

"Because she didn't want us to know." Hotch said shortly, still watching the women's interactions through the glass, but observing the reactions of his team.

"What's she doing? Why is she--" Morgan whispered. "Why after she couldn't tell us, why--"

"She's taking her life back." Rossi informed, as JJ began to speak again.

"Mandy, from one lost girl to another, we need your help." JJ begged. "We need you to help us save girls from being like us. The world needs less lost girls."

Mandy nodded in agreement. "He dropped something. My mom raised me to be the type of person to help people. The whole 'character counts' mentality. That's how he got me. I shouldn't have bent over. It was only a second--_a split second--_that I wasn't paying attention. What kind of a moron bends down in a dark alley? Seriously?"

"Don't do that. Don't you dare blame yourself for something that some vile, sick coward did to you." JJ said firmly.

"But--" The girl began, difficultly relenting. "He was white, and small. If I had fought, I might've won, but I was scared."

"You did what your gut told you to do, and you're still alive. Don't regret what might have happened." JJ encouraged. "What else?"

"He had a tattoo on his chest." Mandy reflected. "It said 'Chaos.' I had to watch it the entire time."

"Sounds familiar. A local Gang Leader tells all of his members that chaos it their motto." A detective next to Hotch said.

Hotch knocked on the door of the interrogation room, letting JJ know that they got what they needed. He watched JJ nod, and go back talking to her new friend. He was sorry for her, she shouldn't have had to go through what she had, but the past couldn't change. He was in awe at how she was evolving. While the JJ he saw wasn't close to who he had previously known, but she was becoming better. Her life was becoming something that Aaron Hotchner didn't recognize, but was proud to say he witnessed. The agonizing grief over his inattentiveness coupled with his respect for the blonde to create a reverence for her that would be hard to shake. He was incrediably impressed with his friend.

* * *

**_Next Up: JJ, its going to be the last chapter_**


	14. Chapter 13: JJ

**_Author's Note: Well, it's been an interesting ride. I hope you've liked the story, because this has been probably one of the most rewarding for me to write. Thanks for all of the kind reviews. I have tried to keep this story real emotionally, yet I wanted JJ to be able to grow, and like one reviewer pointed out, I wanted JJ to be able to be stronger than she was before. I hope I've done that, but if not--I tried :) Let me know what you've thought of this story overall. And, if you're still reading this ridiculously long author's note, then you should know that I don't own Criminal Minds._**

Chapter 13 (JJ)

The moment JJ looked into the eyes of Mandy Waters, she knew what she was going to have to do. She took no pleasure in revealing her darkest secret, it wasn't the cathartic experiance everyone made it out to be. But JJ was suprised by one thing, it didn't hurt either. Living with the grief and shame for so long had dulled the pain of telling the world. Telling part of her own story, she never let her eyes leave Mandy's. Mandy understood as she did the absolute terror life now held. JJ hadn't the heart to look over at the mirror, the mirror where surely her entire team was watching this unfold. She could imagine the stunned reactions of some, and the awed expressions of others, but that was too much to take.

She didn't want to admit anything, didn't want to admit that she had to ween herself into a life where she be in the same room with a man. She didn't want to admit that she still felt vulnerable. That she felt like a victim. Finally, she slowly tried to gain the courage to look over at that mirror. At first she made it to the door. Then a little further, on the sixth attempt, her eyes finally braced the window behind her. She allowed her eyes to pierce whoever they willed, they had earned it. Her eyes that had fought so hard, had earned the right to look her coworkers in the eye and be unashamed of who she was. She wasn't dirty. She wasn't defiled. She hadn't done anything wrong. But she wasn't a victim either. She wasn't weak--she was strong.

As she finished the interview, she calmly got up, unsure of what would await her. Opening the door tentatively, she saw the pained expressions of Morgan and Hotch. She mused to herself how much she cared for the two, she loved them like her own family, and it had been hard to keep the secret from them. But she hadn't had a choice, it wasn't their burden to bear. They couldn't help her until she helped her self. Now, she was sure that she should have never let the team know, they didn't need this cross on their backs. Oddly enough, she felt a growing amount of compassion for the people she was closest to and hoping that they would be able to cope with the new information.

"Hey." She said softly, not sure how to bring up the topic.

"JJ--" Morgan shook his head.

JJ nodded, this was her relationship with Morgan--it didn't need words. Morgan was the best fictive brother she could've ever asked for. So much was said between the two without speaking, coming to the understanding of the wedge driven between them in the past months.

"We've got a lead. The rest of the team went to go check it out." Hotch informed her. Her heart panged at how withdrawn he seemed. If this ordeal had taught her anything, it taught her to be a profiler, and she suddenly understood the pain of others around her. She recognized that Hotch didn't act cold because he didn't feel--quite the contrary, he probably felt more than anyone she had ever known. Withdrawl was Hotch's only survival technique and he had perfected it.

"Alright." JJ replied, putting on a fake smile.

Morgan quickly exited the room, but Hotch lingered for a moment. "I am so sorry."

"I know." JJ responded, hoping that it would say all that she felt.

"If I had known---" He began but JJ cut him off shortly.

"But you didn't." JJ reminded him kindly. "Thanks for being my friend."

An awkward silence permeated the pair. JJ thought back to how much she _did_ trust Hotch, Morgan, and the other members of her team.

"You could have told me. You could have told any one of us." Hotch said quietly, not wanting to reprimand her, but to reassure her that the team would do anything for her protection.

"I know." JJ said, smiling softly and looking him in the eyes. "It's okay, really." She dismissed.

He nodded, seemingly willing to take her excuse. As she watched him exit, she thought back on the events that had happened so many months before, that fateful April day while horrific seemed slightly less terrifying with each passing day. She was far from being perfectly okay with what had happened, but she was doing better. It didn't feel like her soul had been crushed or that there was an unending pit of sorrow in her stomach. It had been a while since she had awoken in the middle of the night with terrible nightmares. It had been a while since she had cringed when someone had touched her, or refused a drink offered to her by someone she trusted. Trust. She smiled softly to herself as she realized that she _was_ beginning to trust again. She _could_ rely on someone not to devestate her. She _could_ believe that there is good in the world.

Suddenly, her phone beeped, signalling the arrival of a text message. Looking down at the identification, she smiled. It was as though fate had something great in store for her, now knowing that she could handle it.

Ignoring the message and dialing the caller that sent it, she couldn't help but grin at the deep Southern voice that greeted her. "Jayje, is everything okay?" Will asked. JJ could hear the worry in her voice. He had seemed to accept that their communication would be through e-mails and texts, the sound of his voice being slightly too much for her to bear even just months earlier.

"Everything's fine Will." JJ assured him.

"Are you back from the case, because I will drop Henry off if you'd like." He started to confirm the familiar plans.

"Actually, we'll probably be a couple of hours. Will, I was wondering--" She let it drop, trying to decide if this was really what she wanted.

"Yes." He prodded hopefully.

"I was just wondering....if you'd like to meet me for coffee." She said as she realized that she was ready for this step.

"Are you sure?" He asked cautiously. She knew that he had waited too long to rush into this before she was ready. But, throughout this experience, she had learned that she would never be ready for the devestations and disasters of life--they hit too suddenly and cause too much destruction; however, she could be ready for the good times. She could be ready to love again. It would be slow, but she could do it. She had doubted herself before, knowing that she was bad at relationships. She smirked at how irrational her thinking had been. If she had been able to get through this, she could get through anything.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Will asked again as JJ realized how her silence must have been interpreted.

Taking a deep breath, and with added confidence, she smiled. "Yeah, I'm sure. I'm ready for coffee."

Both knew the power of that statement and what it meant. She couldn't promise him that she was ready to completely open up to him again. She couldn't promise that it would be easy. She couldn't even promise that it would work out, but she could promise that she would try. Coffee was a start.

THE END


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